As my senior year comes to a close, I have spent a lot of time not only worrying about what needs to get done before I can head off to Utah ( I decided not to go to TCU and will be attending University of Utah), but also reflecting on the childhood that I have been lucky enough to experience.
I sat and wrote this article about my current state of limbo between the excitement for my upcoming college adventures and the sorrow of leaving my current life behind.
The Not So Secret Life of an American Teenager: Senior Year
The greatest certainty is time itself and that time will inevitably continue whether we decide to go on with it or not. At a mere eighteen years of age, I am at a sharp point near the beginning of my timeline. Yet I feel as if I have already lived a million lives. As I focus on my adolescent years and this particular moment in time, I find that there lies great triumph in the beginnings and endings that are quickly approaching. Classes that used to be filled with rigor now hold no meaning as our college acceptances and denials flood in, causing a stir of emotion and excitement for the next daunting steps into adulthood. Cap and gown orders are being placed, prom is being planned, and roommate connections are being made in anticipation of the end of the era of childhood.
Each one of us is catapulting into adulthood and the independence that we are about to encounter. The relationships that we have made with best friends, past romances, and casual acquaintances alike are about to be put to the ultimate test of separation. The comrades that we have spent our adolescent years growing and experiencing life with are soon to be nothing more than characters in the memories that we will tell our children someday. A world of new faces is soon to be placed in front of us. And the names we repeat every day will hastily be replaced with unfamiliar ones.
My college decision has been made, my room and roommates have been selected. And football season tickets have been bought in preparation for the life I am about to begin.
Yet I remain here, in my childhood room, attending my familiar high school classes with all of the same faces I have grown up with, as if there is no upcoming transformation approaching in each of our lives. The only constant between my past and future self is the presence of my family. Yet even that will be forced to endure the trials of distance. I am lost in a constant battle between wishing to move forward towards this next step in my young adult life and yearning for nothing more than to press pause or rewind and take in the sweet delicacies of my fleeting childhood for the few moments that remain.
My childhood contains my greatest traumas and the vital experiences that have shaped the woman I am while creating a perfect foundation to launch the person that I am soon to become. The future, on the other hand, holds a universe of promises that have yet to be fulfilled. And dreams that are soon to be met by reality. My present self hangs in the balance of the two extremes. Both thankful for the life and have lived and the lessons learned and eager for the unpredictable exhilaration of my future. As I chase this momentous concept of time itself, I am constantly reminded that this is the only race I will never feasibly win.
While I have made the choice to act on impulse and to seize the moment rather than wait for time to catch up to me, I am scarily aware of only one thing; “time waits for no one…”